In October 2006, I discovered a large lump in the left side of my left breast. It felt about the size of a vanilla wafer or Oreo cookie, standing up on it's side. I didn't find it in the usual breast exam, although I did those regularly. I was standing in the shower and felt the heaviness of it when I washed my breast. Then, in front of the mirror, I could see how it was slightly pulling the contour of the breast out of line. I thought, "Oh my! How did that get there and get that big without me finding it before?"
Well, I was one of those middle class American people who had no health insurance, so this discovery threw me into a spin. I knew if I told my sisters, or my church sisters about it, they would all start hounding me to get a mammogram, which I didn't have the money for. So I started trying to figure out what to do. I told my husband about it, and he mentioned that we didn't have the money to get it checked out. I already knew that. And he said maybe it wasn't anything, because there is no history of breast cancer in my family. (Although, my mother did die of colon cancer.) I began to think I was doomed to die. If I got the money to check it out, where in the world was I going to get the money for treatment, if it was needed? So, I decided to get my house in order, just in case. I took out a life insurance, which my husband made me cancel. (I think he was scared, and we already had a smaller life insurance in place.) Then friends told me that if I was over 50, I could get a mammogram for free. So, I contacted the 'free' place, and got a mammogram which cost me over $300. In two weeks, I got a note from them that said, "There is a large mass there, but it is not malignant. Come back in 6 months for a follow-up." I had met 2 ladies on the day of my tests, who said they had lumps that had been there a long time, and were nothing. I thought I had taken care of the problem. So, very relieved, I told all my sisters. They said, "Did they do a biopsy?" I said, "No." They said, "How can they know without a biopsy?" So I went on, somewhat relieved, but with the nagging idea in the back of my head that maybe there was reason to worry.
Since my youngest child had graduated, I decided to get a job. If I lived, I'd prepare for retirement. If not, maybe I wouldn't leave my family with debts to pay. I'd always been a stay-at-home mom, and a 'bonus associate' to my pastor husband. But I didn't really have any job skills or college degree. It had been 27 years since I had worked in a public job, or even filled out an application. I saw a flier in the post office about a job for substitute rural carrier, contacted the right people, passed the test, got called in for an interview, and didn't get the job. That was just as well, because I would be at their beck and call, and would have to provide my own vehicle, which I didn't have. They paid well for the hours you worked, but didn't guarantee any hours, and you would have to work in all kinds of weather, do heavy lifting, and they didn't provide health insurance.
Don't ever forget. God knows what we need before we even ask.
(To be continued)
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