(Continued from 'A Distressing Day.'
For that first year of a yo-yo ride between fear and faith, I had prayed mostly by myself about the uncertain things I was facing, because I hadn't told anyone else. There were times when I didn't even know how to begin praying, I was so afraid. And God gave me a Gift. Nearly every time I opened my mouth to pray, or if I began to think about my situation in fear, the Holy Spirit prayed through me, in words I didn't understand. I didn't know what He was saying, but I knew that He knew what to say. So I have leaned on Him for all this time, letting Him carry my heart to God on the words of His will, and He hasn't let me down. I feel intervention, and comfort when He prays. I know He is interceding for me and for other concerns that weigh heavy on my mind. And maybe for things that are too big for me to know.
This is a precious gift. It has been so personal and private that I hesitate to say it to anyone, except maybe you will need this gift at an intense trial in your life. If He comes to you this way, trust Him and receive the gift of His intercession. He knows what to pray for when we can't even think.
Then God gave me another gift. The Network.
When I went into surgery (a future post), there were about 8 -10 people waiting with me for the surgery nurse to come take me away. Fonda told the nurses this was my network, like the Verizon commercials. And she is right. Those people were just the tip of the iceberg of a network of God's believing people, who were praying for me. Like I said before, we have pastored in this small town of 4000 for 25 years. Other believers from other churches were praying for me. And they were e-mailing to who knows where and getting me on other prayer lists for other believers to pray. I have felt myself carried by people's prayers since the news of my cancer got out. Anywhere a believer is, is a link to His network of healing in any part of our lives. Don't be a weak link. You never know when someone's life may be on the line. Maybe yours. You can avail yourself to this very same network.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
A DISTRESSING DAY
(Continued from ' The Provision)
In late October 2007, while I was at school, I got a call from the place I had gotten my mammogram back in February. The lady asked me if I was coming back for that follow-up mammogram. She said the program had funds to pay for it and that I better get down there, because that lump was big and threatening. I told her I had already been bitten by the 'free mammogram bug' before and to forgive me for not believing her. She said the lady who was over her office before, hadn't done her billing right and that was why there was no money to cover me back in February, but there was money to cover me now, even if I had to get treatment. Well, she got me all scared and upset. Then I got afraid the insurance would say "pre-existing" because I knew the lump was there, and not pay. Friends told me to forget about the 'free' system and go to Cape where there was good doctors and good equipment. Just start over. I called one place and told them I needed a mammogram. They asked had I been there before, and I said no. Then she asked if I had ever had a mammogram, and I had to say yes. She asked when. When I told her Feb 07, she said they couldn't do it less than a year apart. I said, in desperation, "You don't understand. I have a huge lump, and I'm supposed to be going back for a follow-up, and I've missed it because I don't know if it will be paid for or not." It was a low faith point for sure. She said to call my family doctor to refer me and get it set up. By then I was ready to go home, crawl into the back of a dark closet and have myself a good cry. I was SO afraid and upset! I didn't trust the 'free' system. I didn't trust the 'insurance' system. My husband didn't seem to understand the terror I was experiencing. And I wasn't telling anyone else the depth of my problem. I was feeling extremely alone. So I went to the bathroom, and prayed to God, whom I do trust. He seemed to direct me to call my family doctor. So I called her and explained the whole situation. She had me and my husband to come to the office. She really calmed me down and explained how we could call the other Women's Care place in Cape, and start over with a full mammogram, and get a biopsy the same day; the whole works. And that the insurance would be okay. So I went and had a complete mammogram, and biopsy, and the lump turned out to be cancerous. And the insurance was okay. Actually, I was more relieved than I had been for a year. The whole last year had been a yo-yo ride of emotions between fear and faith. I know I'm not making a long story short. But it hasn't been short for me, and it's taking you a lot less time to read about it, than it took me to live it through. Isn't that right? (to be continued)
In late October 2007, while I was at school, I got a call from the place I had gotten my mammogram back in February. The lady asked me if I was coming back for that follow-up mammogram. She said the program had funds to pay for it and that I better get down there, because that lump was big and threatening. I told her I had already been bitten by the 'free mammogram bug' before and to forgive me for not believing her. She said the lady who was over her office before, hadn't done her billing right and that was why there was no money to cover me back in February, but there was money to cover me now, even if I had to get treatment. Well, she got me all scared and upset. Then I got afraid the insurance would say "pre-existing" because I knew the lump was there, and not pay. Friends told me to forget about the 'free' system and go to Cape where there was good doctors and good equipment. Just start over. I called one place and told them I needed a mammogram. They asked had I been there before, and I said no. Then she asked if I had ever had a mammogram, and I had to say yes. She asked when. When I told her Feb 07, she said they couldn't do it less than a year apart. I said, in desperation, "You don't understand. I have a huge lump, and I'm supposed to be going back for a follow-up, and I've missed it because I don't know if it will be paid for or not." It was a low faith point for sure. She said to call my family doctor to refer me and get it set up. By then I was ready to go home, crawl into the back of a dark closet and have myself a good cry. I was SO afraid and upset! I didn't trust the 'free' system. I didn't trust the 'insurance' system. My husband didn't seem to understand the terror I was experiencing. And I wasn't telling anyone else the depth of my problem. I was feeling extremely alone. So I went to the bathroom, and prayed to God, whom I do trust. He seemed to direct me to call my family doctor. So I called her and explained the whole situation. She had me and my husband to come to the office. She really calmed me down and explained how we could call the other Women's Care place in Cape, and start over with a full mammogram, and get a biopsy the same day; the whole works. And that the insurance would be okay. So I went and had a complete mammogram, and biopsy, and the lump turned out to be cancerous. And the insurance was okay. Actually, I was more relieved than I had been for a year. The whole last year had been a yo-yo ride of emotions between fear and faith. I know I'm not making a long story short. But it hasn't been short for me, and it's taking you a lot less time to read about it, than it took me to live it through. Isn't that right? (to be continued)
THE PROVISION
(Continued from 'The Discovery')
After the job fell through at the post office, I heard about a job at the school, and applied for it. Well, someone else got that job, and I was a little discouraged. But I had been praying about this whole situation for months by this time. I had waded through a whole gamut of negative thoughts and emotions, and had prayed it through to the point to remember that; live, die,sink, or swim, God Almighty is the one who takes care of me. Husbands are limited, but God is not. A few days later, the school called and asked if I'd like to sub for another teacher. She was a para professional, which means she is a student aid, and in this case, to one student who is in a wheel chair. The teacher said she had hurt her back pushing the chair. So I subbed for her about 2 weeks. The school moved her to another classroom situation, and they asked me if I wanted to take the job. So I got full-time work, with health insurance. This happened in September 2007.
After the job fell through at the post office, I heard about a job at the school, and applied for it. Well, someone else got that job, and I was a little discouraged. But I had been praying about this whole situation for months by this time. I had waded through a whole gamut of negative thoughts and emotions, and had prayed it through to the point to remember that; live, die,sink, or swim, God Almighty is the one who takes care of me. Husbands are limited, but God is not. A few days later, the school called and asked if I'd like to sub for another teacher. She was a para professional, which means she is a student aid, and in this case, to one student who is in a wheel chair. The teacher said she had hurt her back pushing the chair. So I subbed for her about 2 weeks. The school moved her to another classroom situation, and they asked me if I wanted to take the job. So I got full-time work, with health insurance. This happened in September 2007.
THE DISCOVERY
I have hit an experience in life that is like no other. I hope I am coming to the end of it soon. Some of my friends have said I should blog about it. So now that I have introduced you to my family, I will share my story. Maybe you have one similar. Or maybe you will be encouraged by mine.
In October 2006, I discovered a large lump in the left side of my left breast. It felt about the size of a vanilla wafer or Oreo cookie, standing up on it's side. I didn't find it in the usual breast exam, although I did those regularly. I was standing in the shower and felt the heaviness of it when I washed my breast. Then, in front of the mirror, I could see how it was slightly pulling the contour of the breast out of line. I thought, "Oh my! How did that get there and get that big without me finding it before?"
Well, I was one of those middle class American people who had no health insurance, so this discovery threw me into a spin. I knew if I told my sisters, or my church sisters about it, they would all start hounding me to get a mammogram, which I didn't have the money for. So I started trying to figure out what to do. I told my husband about it, and he mentioned that we didn't have the money to get it checked out. I already knew that. And he said maybe it wasn't anything, because there is no history of breast cancer in my family. (Although, my mother did die of colon cancer.) I began to think I was doomed to die. If I got the money to check it out, where in the world was I going to get the money for treatment, if it was needed? So, I decided to get my house in order, just in case. I took out a life insurance, which my husband made me cancel. (I think he was scared, and we already had a smaller life insurance in place.) Then friends told me that if I was over 50, I could get a mammogram for free. So, I contacted the 'free' place, and got a mammogram which cost me over $300. In two weeks, I got a note from them that said, "There is a large mass there, but it is not malignant. Come back in 6 months for a follow-up." I had met 2 ladies on the day of my tests, who said they had lumps that had been there a long time, and were nothing. I thought I had taken care of the problem. So, very relieved, I told all my sisters. They said, "Did they do a biopsy?" I said, "No." They said, "How can they know without a biopsy?" So I went on, somewhat relieved, but with the nagging idea in the back of my head that maybe there was reason to worry.
Since my youngest child had graduated, I decided to get a job. If I lived, I'd prepare for retirement. If not, maybe I wouldn't leave my family with debts to pay. I'd always been a stay-at-home mom, and a 'bonus associate' to my pastor husband. But I didn't really have any job skills or college degree. It had been 27 years since I had worked in a public job, or even filled out an application. I saw a flier in the post office about a job for substitute rural carrier, contacted the right people, passed the test, got called in for an interview, and didn't get the job. That was just as well, because I would be at their beck and call, and would have to provide my own vehicle, which I didn't have. They paid well for the hours you worked, but didn't guarantee any hours, and you would have to work in all kinds of weather, do heavy lifting, and they didn't provide health insurance.
In October 2006, I discovered a large lump in the left side of my left breast. It felt about the size of a vanilla wafer or Oreo cookie, standing up on it's side. I didn't find it in the usual breast exam, although I did those regularly. I was standing in the shower and felt the heaviness of it when I washed my breast. Then, in front of the mirror, I could see how it was slightly pulling the contour of the breast out of line. I thought, "Oh my! How did that get there and get that big without me finding it before?"
Well, I was one of those middle class American people who had no health insurance, so this discovery threw me into a spin. I knew if I told my sisters, or my church sisters about it, they would all start hounding me to get a mammogram, which I didn't have the money for. So I started trying to figure out what to do. I told my husband about it, and he mentioned that we didn't have the money to get it checked out. I already knew that. And he said maybe it wasn't anything, because there is no history of breast cancer in my family. (Although, my mother did die of colon cancer.) I began to think I was doomed to die. If I got the money to check it out, where in the world was I going to get the money for treatment, if it was needed? So, I decided to get my house in order, just in case. I took out a life insurance, which my husband made me cancel. (I think he was scared, and we already had a smaller life insurance in place.) Then friends told me that if I was over 50, I could get a mammogram for free. So, I contacted the 'free' place, and got a mammogram which cost me over $300. In two weeks, I got a note from them that said, "There is a large mass there, but it is not malignant. Come back in 6 months for a follow-up." I had met 2 ladies on the day of my tests, who said they had lumps that had been there a long time, and were nothing. I thought I had taken care of the problem. So, very relieved, I told all my sisters. They said, "Did they do a biopsy?" I said, "No." They said, "How can they know without a biopsy?" So I went on, somewhat relieved, but with the nagging idea in the back of my head that maybe there was reason to worry.
Since my youngest child had graduated, I decided to get a job. If I lived, I'd prepare for retirement. If not, maybe I wouldn't leave my family with debts to pay. I'd always been a stay-at-home mom, and a 'bonus associate' to my pastor husband. But I didn't really have any job skills or college degree. It had been 27 years since I had worked in a public job, or even filled out an application. I saw a flier in the post office about a job for substitute rural carrier, contacted the right people, passed the test, got called in for an interview, and didn't get the job. That was just as well, because I would be at their beck and call, and would have to provide my own vehicle, which I didn't have. They paid well for the hours you worked, but didn't guarantee any hours, and you would have to work in all kinds of weather, do heavy lifting, and they didn't provide health insurance.
Don't ever forget. God knows what we need before we even ask.
(To be continued)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A LEG TO STAND ON
That's what I have. A leg to stand on. One leg. I can't stand on the other one, because I twisted it, falling off the steps. And that's not all. The doctor's report says "A fat blood level is suspected . . ." in my knee! Well! I knew I'd gained some weight in the last 6 months, but a 'fat blood level'?
Since I've twisted my knee out of order, my back is stooped, and my palms are numb from walking with a walker. My opposite hip, knee, and ankle joints are strained and sore. The bottom of my opposite foot gets numb from standing and walking on it. My feelings are agitated because I am hindered in doing anything that I might normally do. I don't even do all the things to get dressed that I would normally, such as make up or binding articles of clothing. In order to drive, I have to make my way out the door; I sit on the top step and scoot on my seat to the bottom step, then hoist the walker over my head to the ground, and push myself up. Then I turn and get my purse, turn around, and head for the car, which is parked by the street. I watch to make sure no traffic is coming from the four-way stop a block and a half away, because when my door is open they have to swing out around me. I start the car, so it will begin cooling down, throw my purse in, get in the car, and then fold and drag my walker in over the top of me to the rider's side. When I arrive at my destination, I go through all this in reverse. Thank God for drive through dining! It is a BIG PAIN to live this way.
I'm not complaining, just explaining. I do enjoy being independent, and I told Beth and Sam that the more I could do for myself, the better off we all are. They have been a big help, and do anything I ask them to. But they have to work, and can't be here all the time.
I've said all that to say this; that's the way it is in the church. Most of us have a 'fat blood level' from soaking up all the blessings and promises of God we can soak up. But the 'knees' are the pray-ers. And if the knees get twisted out of order, it puts all the other dependable parts in serious strain and hindrance. Without prayer, the church doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Since I've twisted my knee out of order, my back is stooped, and my palms are numb from walking with a walker. My opposite hip, knee, and ankle joints are strained and sore. The bottom of my opposite foot gets numb from standing and walking on it. My feelings are agitated because I am hindered in doing anything that I might normally do. I don't even do all the things to get dressed that I would normally, such as make up or binding articles of clothing. In order to drive, I have to make my way out the door; I sit on the top step and scoot on my seat to the bottom step, then hoist the walker over my head to the ground, and push myself up. Then I turn and get my purse, turn around, and head for the car, which is parked by the street. I watch to make sure no traffic is coming from the four-way stop a block and a half away, because when my door is open they have to swing out around me. I start the car, so it will begin cooling down, throw my purse in, get in the car, and then fold and drag my walker in over the top of me to the rider's side. When I arrive at my destination, I go through all this in reverse. Thank God for drive through dining! It is a BIG PAIN to live this way.
I'm not complaining, just explaining. I do enjoy being independent, and I told Beth and Sam that the more I could do for myself, the better off we all are. They have been a big help, and do anything I ask them to. But they have to work, and can't be here all the time.
I've said all that to say this; that's the way it is in the church. Most of us have a 'fat blood level' from soaking up all the blessings and promises of God we can soak up. But the 'knees' are the pray-ers. And if the knees get twisted out of order, it puts all the other dependable parts in serious strain and hindrance. Without prayer, the church doesn't have a leg to stand on.
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